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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Two and a half years gone by...


Well, Wednesday marks two and a half years to the day of when my life changed completely. I am actually taking this harder than I thought. Maybe its just the classes. I think back and there are so many things that have changed. But in ways, time has stood still.

I still can't grasp the fact that my mother has been gone this long. That day still stands in my mind, as if it was yesterday. All a dream. Who would have thought that things could happen this way, and the world could be so cruel. I have grown from it though.

I have moved seven times since August 2006. Gone through two and a half years of college. Completed an Equine Science minor. Attended two different colleges. Lived in three states. Stayed up partying away the night several times. Shed too many tears. And sat with a blank stare for hours.

I have gone from not attending church services at all and having an eternal grudge with God, to making the most of my time with my fellow Christians and even taking an extra class to learn more about how I should be living my life. I still struggle with the fact that God can be so cruel.

Today I look back at my childhood and thank God that I had someone to be there with me, everywhere and through everything. Someone that would always let me talk to them, and tell me what they thought was best. The best role model anyone could ever have.

My mother was someone that so many people looked up to. She touched so many lives, that I can't help but stop and look back at the number of people that attended her funeral and the astonishing number of people that she touched during her short life.

She put forth so much effort into being a Christian. Mother. Wife. Friend. Teacher. Leader. I look back today and it still stuns me that God could allow such a magnificent person to be taken from our lives, but I can't stand the thought of her having to loose one of us.

Yet I stand here today, a stronger man because of what I have endured. What doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger. I take the lessons learned as a child and try my best to act as my role model would have wanted me to.

Here's to you Mom. The tears I shed today are for the great memories I have of you, that will forever stay in my heart. And from the pain of wishing you were here to spend this time with us today. And for the longing to see you again one day.

We will always love and miss you.

I heard this song from Dierks Bentley and it could not have been written for me anymore perfectly:

Well its been a year and there so much to tell
been doing alright in spite of myself
just wish i could stop feeling bad when i pray
But I know I'm gonna get there someday

Got that job I was dreaming about
sometimes its tough traveling around
but who i wanna be still seems so far away
but i know i'm gonna get there someday

glad i told you all i meant to
while i had the chance
cause every moment i had with you
made me who i am

by the way, i met someone new
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you
still i ain't ready to settle down in one place
but i know i'm gonna get there someday

well i guess i'll be movin on
i'll just leave these daisies by your stone
and momma, i still miss you every day
but i know i'm gonna get there someday

when that'll be, guess only God can say
but i know i'm gonna get there someday